Here is how to choose your hard for a better life and make the changes you so desperately need.
It may be the single most important thing you ever do.
Making any change is hard to do. But NOT making that change is even harder. So, if both are hard, pick the one that provides the best results.
If you need to get into shape, improve your financial situation, or transition your whole life to something better and more aligned with who you are, NOT changing is actually harder. You continue to suffer from the lack of change and you hate yourself for it.
In this video blog, Paul provides you with the rationale and most importantly the tools and methods to make that first step and get past the initial resistance that prevents us from making the changes to have a better life.
You’ll also be interested in:
RETIRE/RESIGN TO SOMETHING: PASSION & PURPOSE
WHY IS CHANGE SO HARD?
Choose Your Hard for a Better Life Transcript
[00:00:00] It’s hard to make a change in life, but it
can be even harder to not make that change.
[00:00:08] I mean, really think about it. You know, if
you want to lose weight or get into shape,
[00:00:12] that’s hard. If you need to get out of
financial trouble or improve your finances,
[00:00:17] that’s hard. If you want to pivot out of the
life that you don’t like or isn’t fulfilling
[00:00:22] or isn’t rewarding or doesn’t fit what you
need. That’s hard, but it’s even harder to
[00:00:28] not do those things.
[00:00:31] It’s even harder to suffer the consequences
of bad health. It’s even harder to be in
[00:00:36] financial trouble. It’s even harder to live
the drip, drip, drip every day of misery from
[00:00:40] a life that you don’t like. So if they’re
both hard, why not choose the one that really
[00:00:49] works for you and makes a difference? It’s
even it’s hard. In fact, actually, I would
[00:00:54] say not doing it is harder because you also
feel like a complete loser. You hate yourself
[00:01:00] because you’re not making those changes. This
is an incredible first step to getting past
[00:01:08] that resistance that we all have. Resistance
is the most insidious mental disorder that
[00:01:15] all human beings suffer from. We resist
things for a multitude of ego reasons and
[00:01:20] old, outdated, self-limiting beliefs that
never existed or were true or aren’t anymore.
[00:01:27] And also, the way we evolved as a human
species, we are literally wired against
[00:01:32] change as a defense mechanism, but it can be
overcome and it takes some rationality. This
[00:01:38] is pretty rational. Mr. Spock would say this
is logical. So how do we leverage this? Well,
[00:01:45] first of all, it’s identifying that fact,
saying, yeah, you know, I don’t really want
[00:01:48] to get into shape. I don’t really want to
change my life. But I, I need to and I want
[00:01:52] to and I don’t want to feel like a jerk ten
years from now or all my deathbed saying I
[00:01:58] never went for it. Whatever works for you,
it’s coming to that realization that if
[00:02:04] they’re both hard, I’m going to choose the
one that’s going to benefit me the most. Now,
[00:02:09] once you’ve done that, here are some ways to
really make it a success. Get momentum and
[00:02:15] get results. So number one is get really
clear.
[00:02:20] I mean, specifically clear on what that end
result looks like. I mean, what does it look
[00:02:26] like? Get in detail.
[00:02:27] Write down a list or whatever. If it looks
like this and I’m in this situation, you want
[00:02:33] like any goal, like any standard that you’re
trying to create because the standards you
[00:02:39] live to are much higher than goals, more
likely of reaching. The more specific you
[00:02:44] are, the more you know exactly what it is
you’re going for and the more you’re able to
[00:02:48] envision it.
[00:02:50] And I’m a huge believer in what’s called the
power of intention that you get back, what
[00:02:56] you put out, you think you need or want more
money than you keep needing and wanting more
[00:03:01] money. But when you do this envisioning and
you’re like, this is what it looks like, this
[00:03:06] is what it feels like, then you are more
likely to succeed at it.
[00:03:12] And it also helps gives you clarity as to
what you need to do in order to get there.
[00:03:17] And it gives you targets and things of that
sort. Now, the next thing, though, is that
[00:03:23] sometimes if we let’s say I’m going to lose
£30 and I’m going to go to the gym five days
[00:03:30] a week for the next month, or I’m going to
run a marathon in six months or whatever.
[00:03:36] That’s a fine goal. But if you’re only
focused on that big thing, that’s daunting.
[00:03:41] The path, the road to that can be very hard.
I am a huge fan of James Clear’s book Atomic
[00:03:48] Habits, and when he talks atomic habits
atomic meaning not an atomic bomb, although
[00:03:53] it can have that kind of result in a positive
way, but its little atomic habits, little
[00:03:59] things that you do well, but then add up. One
of my favorite ones is focus on the next 1%.
[00:04:07] So that big goal can be very daunting and
that can cause resistance and that can make
[00:04:12] it hard for you. But like for me, if it’s
going to the gym, I go up and get my gym bag.
[00:04:18] That’s the first one, and then every other 1%
goes forward. I’ll even think of things like
[00:04:23] how I’m really tired and I don’t want to go,
but I’m going to go to the gym and if I spend
[00:04:26] 30 minutes there, I will consider that a
success or I got to write a chapter, I got to
[00:04:32] get this chapter written. But my goal is
every morning is that I’m going to write two
[00:04:38] crappy pages of copy because some days that’s
the way it’s going to be. More often than
[00:04:43] not, I flow and I roll, but I don’t have this
daunting expectation on me. Another thing
[00:04:51] that ties into all of this is change the way
you think, change the way you react.
[00:04:58] Become aware of that. You know, the studies
say they were anywhere from 70 to 90% of the
[00:05:04] thoughts that we have every day are the same,
and so are our habits and so are our
[00:05:08] reactions. And you want to make a change. You
kind of change your habits. You got to change
[00:05:13] your automatic thinking, you know, so things
can be changing your morning routine, but it
[00:05:18] can also become aware of how are you reacting
and thinking about things where attention
[00:05:25] goes, focus flows, and you start catching
yourself like, Oh, I’m reacting like that.
[00:05:30] I’m not being very conscious or I’m just
thinking this, and I’ve always thought it,
[00:05:35] but it’s like, I don’t want to think that
anymore. That’s not helping me. So it’s
[00:05:38] becoming aware of that and changing a lot of
different things, which then helps you change
[00:05:42] with the big things. Another thing is, is the
awareness and and being true and honest as to
[00:05:51] how it’s going to be hard, that you’re going
to run into some roadblocks, that you’re
[00:05:55] going to maybe have some self doubt. I know
that with me doing new way forward is funny.
[00:06:00] It’s some somehow between brushing my teeth
and getting in bed, it’s when I get the fall
[00:06:05] out of you are totally screwing this up. You
going to be an unmitigated failure. This is
[00:06:11] never going to work or whatever. But I know
to expect that because I have heard from
[00:06:16] hundreds of other people who have
successfully built something, transition to
[00:06:20] something or gotten into shape or whatever,
that they will have those self doubts that
[00:06:26] that’s normal and that’ll happen. And so the
beauty is, is that I’m pulling down the
[00:06:31] covers, go, oh my God, I’m a complete God. I
got up and boom. All of a sudden I’m like,
[00:06:36] Hey, I know that this is going to happen. I
know that this is to be expected. Shut up, go
[00:06:43] to bed and tomorrow I’m going to kick butt.
So no, to expect that. Another thing is, is
[00:06:50] to realize and again this comes brilliantly
pointed out by James Clare, short term pain
[00:06:57] for long term gain.
[00:06:59] Short term gain for a long term pain. So in
other words, the easiest analogy is, is you
[00:07:05] want to have that piece of chocolate cake. So
in the short term it’s very gratifying. But
[00:07:10] long term, coupled with other unhealthy
eating habits, you’re going to have some
[00:07:16] negative consequences of it. Conversely, not
having that chocolate cake is short term
[00:07:22] pain, but you’re going to have long term gain
from it.
[00:07:26] So it’s always easier for us to take that
short term gain pleasure or even I don’t want
[00:07:33] to deal with this now. I don’t have to deal
with it, but you’re going to keep having to
[00:07:37] deal with it. So know that those short term
decisions and choices that you make are going
[00:07:43] to end the long term payoff.
[00:07:46] That’s a little more challenging for us to
do, but the payoff is worth it. And last but
[00:07:51] not least, and this is a really, really big
thing is give yourself applause, give
[00:07:58] yourself positive recognition for everything
you do. I mean, the littlest thing to the
[00:08:04] biggest thing, the fact that you even just
tried, give yourself credit for it within
[00:08:10] yourself. You know, think about it. If you’re
raising a kid or with a loved one or someone
[00:08:15] else and you want to give them praise, you
want to give them encouragement when they do
[00:08:19] well, you want to say to them, Good job. We
never do that with ourselves.
[00:08:27] We want to say good job because that helps
them, that encourages them, that makes them
[00:08:31] feel good. But we don’t do that with
ourselves. And and it’s even been there’s a
[00:08:39] researcher out at Stanford University, BJ
Fogg, that talks about doing these little
[00:08:42] micro habits. And at the end and BJ is kind
of an enduring nerd, you know, he does 50
[00:08:49] push ups a day because every time he needs to
go to the bathroom, he does five push ups.
[00:08:53] And every time he does those little micro
habits and his research shows, he goes, I’m
[00:08:57] amazing, you know, to himself, but it works.
[00:09:01] It actually reinforces what you’re doing and
it makes you feel good. What a concept. And
[00:09:09] it makes you positive about what you’re doing
and the fact that you’re going to get
[00:09:12] results. So, bottom line, choose your heart.
[00:09:16] Choose the one that’s going to be beneficial
to it. One step at a time. Be clear on what
[00:09:22] it is and what it looks like. Be aware that
you’re going to have some struggles and
[00:09:27] that’s okay. Change your thinking, change
your habits, and change the way you regard
[00:09:33] yourself. Give yourself credit for doing it.