You May Not Want to Hear It (but you need to hear it).
I mean, REALLY HEAR IT! How often has someone told you something you didn’t want to hear and it upset you?
Then later, after you had calmed down, you realized they told you something you needed to hear.
This is a critical success factor in life. To be open to and even seek people to give you honest feedback and sometimes challenge you. For so many of us, these moments have saved us. In life, relationships, business all sorts of things.
In this video, New Way Forward’s Paul Long shares how this has helped him and how it can help you to be open and even seek honest and sometimes challenging feedback from others.
Thumbnail photo by Andrea Piacquadio via Pexels
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Transcript for You May Not Want to Hear It (but you need to hear it)
[00:00:00] I don’t want to hear that. I don’t want to hear that. How many times have you felt that way when someone, a loved one, a colleague, a boss, a parent, a teacher or whomever, tells you something that you don’t want to hear at all? When that happens, an alarm bell should go off on your head, alerting you to the fact that maybe you need to hear it. You don’t want to hear it, but you need to hear it. I can distinctly remember multiple times in my life when somebody told me something I did not want to hear, but I needed to hear it. And they changed my life for the better. Or they saved me from a situation or even saved me from myself. It’s understandable that if somebody say, you know, why are you being like this? Or you know, you’re going about this all the wrong way or or something, that’s a criticism. It’s understandable. It’s an attack. It’s attacking your self esteem, it’s attacking your sense of self. And it’s only natural that we go defensive about it. And if in your head, you’re just kind of like, Oh, that’s wrong because of this, or who are you to do this? Or I want to hurl an insult, insult right back at you. Look at the way you’re being, whatever. That should be the trigger for going. Wait a second here.
[00:01:20] Maybe I need to hear this. I’m upset now, but I’m going to calm down and I’m going to think about this. I’m going to examine it. And they may be right, by the way. They also may be wrong. It may be them or something like that. But then at the very least, you validated your position. But that big, well up of emotion is actually a sign that they’re probably hitting on something that you really need to hear. I’ve heard this apply so many times in life, not just in relationships, not just in terms of the way we’re doing our lives or work, but also like, let’s say with entrepreneurs or people looking to start something up. And, you know, you hear these numbers bandied about, the 90% of all startups fail. I don’t know about that number. It’s very qualified. But the big reasons why they fail are lack of funding, but also lack of expectations or lack of skills or thinking, you know, how to do everything when you don’t. And having the humility to get help or get expertise in other places or to truly realize what’s going to be involved, the expectations part of it. Well, life can be like that, too, in which, you know, somebody comes to you and says, hey, this is going to take longer than you think it’s going to take. It’s going some things are going to be easier than you think you are, but most things are going to be harder.
[00:02:46] You know, your audience might not be there or it might take you three years to do it. And people are like, na na na, Well, you don’t know what you’re talking about. And it’s like, Yeah, they do. You’re being overly optimistic that alarm bells should go off in your head because you’re being attacked. Your idea of what it’s going to be like is being attacked or choosing a new way forward when somebody’s a loved one or whatever, you know, starts getting on you about some aspect or your overall state of being. Why are you continuing to do this? All I hear you do is complain about your job and you’re going to defend it. You’re going to defend it because you may have the old self limiting beliefs about yourself or, Well, this is what I’m supposed to do. This is what makes me secure or whatever. If you feel that resistance in those situations, that’s when you treat it like an alarm bell to say, Well, now wait a minute, they may be on to something. And here’s another little trick to handle in that very emotional situation, because it’s very hard in that moment to think in the way I’m telling you, Oh, maybe they’re telling me something I need to know. You’re probably not going to do that.
[00:03:57] But here are a couple of things that you can do. And the first, this first tip is actually really good. It works like magic because it’s so simple and it works so well. Any time you’re in kind of an emotional, uptight situation, I can’t remember who I learned it from, but I’ve heard other people get variations of this. If you can remember or intend to remember when you’re in that conflict situation with somebody and they’re getting in your face about something, you can take, I mean, like 3 seconds to observe how you feel. Don’t judge it. Don’t say, Oh, I feel like this, but I should feel like this or anything. Just observe how I feel. I did this one time when somebody to whom I was a client was rightfully getting in my face about something in the first place. He shouldn’t have been in my face the way he was. And secondly, he was wrong. I was getting really pissed off and I happened to remember that trick and I observed how I felt and how did I. Feel while I was angry at him for doing it, it was unjustified and he was attacking me personally. The moment I just looked at how I feel and here’s the big thing. I didn’t judge it. I just looked at it. That was fine. You know, I just let him speak his peace and I can’t remember the exact response, but it was a very calm and measured response.
[00:05:24] And I just walked away and that was it. Do that in this other situation and just think, you know what? I’m being attacked. It’s making me uncomfortable. I feel like I’m under review here. I don’t like it, but I’m going to calm down and I’m going to think about this and I’m either going to invalidate it or I’m going to validate it or somewhere in between, and it’s going to help me. And I tell you, these times, a couple of them, I don’t even really want to tell you about that somebody did that for me. I am to this day grateful that it happened. So next time you think I don’t want to hear this, take a split second and then say, but I need to hear it and go through the process and it can be transformational in that situation or holistically, as you look to make the years ahead your best if you found that helpful. There’s a lot more on YouTube. There’s even more on new way forward. That’s new. Way forward. You can click the logo, go straight there, and also be sure to subscribe. You’ll get regular updates, a newsletter and a free download that will help you step by step. Start on your new way forward.